Marriage is one of the most important decisions you can make as a human being. Therefore, it is crucial that you get it right. In getting it right, there are certain traits and features that, if you find in others, you should pause before choosing to “do life and love” with them. In fact, for people with some of these traits, the best thing to do is to “RUN.” What are these traits? We detail them below.
1. Don’t marry someone with a completely different idea about marriage.
Yup! Don’t marry someone with fundamental thoughts and ideas about marriage that differ from yours. For instance, if you believe marriage is for life, you shouldn’t marry someone who thinks divorce is always “on the table.”
Thus, you should have fundamental conversations with your future spouse about the following:
Relationship with in-laws
Roles and responsibilities within the home
Financial obligations and policies
These conversations reveal their mindset and help you decide whether you want to be with them forever or not.
2. Don’t marry an unforgiving person.
The truth is that you are going to mess up several times, and therefore, you want to be married to someone who can forgive you every time you do. Being married to an unforgiving person will mean that all your mistakes and faults will perpetually be before you, with no chance for you to improve. Being married to an unforgiving person will mean they will intentionally inflict pain on you to punish you for your wrong. We assure you that you don’t want to leave life like that. Therefore, if you meet someone who fails to forgive and extend grace toward you and who keeps malice and punishes you for every wrong, our advice is that you RUN!
3. Don’t marry a proud person.
Even God opposes the proud and finds relationships difficult with them. How much more you? A proud person will be someone that is always right and never wrong. They will constantly make you feel unworthy and less of yourself. You will be frustrated trying to get them to learn something important.
The truth is that pride will destroy two of the most crucial aspects of relationships, namely teachability and effective communication. Therefore, if you meet someone so full of themselves and proud, do not marry them, at least until you see a remarkable change.
4. Don’t marry someone who is overly reliant on their parents.
In marriage, you want someone who prioritizes you above all else and has a mind of their own in making decisions. It is very likely that if you are with someone who idolizes their parents, so much so that they must see them before making any decisions, you will also take second place in their lives, after their parents. Generally, this also means they won’t defend you if their parents mistreat you. It also means their parents may have access to interfere regularly in your home.
Except, you can live with these; ensure you avoid someone not yet weaned from substantial parental influence.
5. Do not marry someone that is not teachable.
We consider this to be the most fundamental thing since those who are teachable will be able to eliminate any of the other things discussed above. However, someone who can’t be taught has no chance of changing and will be forever stuck. If you notice that a person refuses to change anything and always throws around phrases like “that’s how I am,” ensure that you don’t marry such a person. Doing so may leave you in pain for the rest of your life.
One reason why we have emphasized this very strongly is because the willingness to be taught is one of the bedrocks of our marriage. We believe that we thrive today because we have always been willing to learn from each other at every phase of our journey.
There you go! If you find someone with any of these five things, don’t be in a rush to marry them, at least until they change.