Yes, we know that breakups are one of the most painful things you can experience as an individual, but that is no reason to remain in a dangerous or toxic relationship. Indeed, it is preferable to suffer the heartache of a broken relationship than to marry someone who will make you regret the marriage. As a Christian, there are fundamental things to look out for in your partner, and if you don’t find these things, the best thing to do is leave. What are these things? We highlight five major ones below.
1. If your partner doesn’t fear God.
What does it mean to fear God? The fear of God refers to a reverence for God, which births a practical sense of consequence for wrong. This means that the fear of God is not just in the heart but can be seen in a person’s moral values and persuasions. For instance, does your partner have a moral outlook preventing them from committing theft and fraud? Does your partner have a moral compass that helps them to live with integrity and compassion? Will your partner do absolutely anything to have money? These are the practical aspects of the fear of God that you should look out for. If you find these missing, we sincerely advise ending that relationship.
In case you are wondering why this is such a big deal, here are two significant reasons:
You will be unable to build a godly home with someone that lacks the fear of God
A person who lacks a fear of God can lie to you, cheat on you or hurt you without any sense of remorse.
2. If your partner doesn’t love God.
While the fear of God plants a sense of moral responsibility in an individual, a love for God ensures that God is central to an individual’s life. If you are a believer that aims to have a godly marriage and home, you cannot marry an individual who doesn’t love God. This means that if your partner fails to have a firm devotion towards God or at least aims towards it seriously, it is enough reason to head out of the relationship.
Just like with the fear of God, you can practically gauge love for God. Some ways to measure an individual’s love for God include their attitude towards church, God’s word, prayer, and the direction of God for their lives. Can the word correct or convict them? Do they think prayer is important? Do they believe churches are unnecessary? The answers to all of these can help you gauge your partner’s love for God.
3. If your partner does not have the same ideology toward sexual purity that you do.
The believer’s idea of purity is clear: there should be no sexual activity before marriage. If your partner disagrees or wants certain levels of sexual activity, then you have no business being in such a relationship.
Now, the case may be different if you and your partner are struggling with purity and both think it is wrong. Under such circumstances, the thing to do is get help and work towards preventing sexual activity. However, if one party thinks it is okay to indulge in sexual activities, the only option for the other party is to leave, especially if the plan is to please God.
4. If your partner is unkind
This is a very fundamental one. An unkind person is someone who fails to show compassion and forgiveness to those around them. Note that we said “people around them,” and not just you.
We said this because the way your partner treats others, especially those below them, shows their true character and dictates how they will treat you in the long run. Therefore, it doesn’t matter how they treat you at first; if they are not fundamentally kind, they will eventually treat you poorly.
Another major thing that reveals an unkind partner is if they are willing to “punish” you for wrong. So, for instance, if your partner stops speaking to you for an extended period or stops giving you what they ordinarily would, just because they are angry, it is a significant sign that they are unforgiving and unkind. Our advice? Run!
5. If they are indecisive about you
Last but not least, if your partner doesn’t consider you in their plan concerning marriage or is indecisive about marriage in general, it is an excellent ground to end a relationship.
How do you know that they don’t have long-term plans for you? Notice how they speak about the idea of a future with you. Do they shut it down or avoid it? Are they willing to introduce you to their family or parents? How long have you been dating with no plans for something permanent?
If all the answers to these point to a lack of long-term commitment. Then you should end that relationship or discuss it emphatically before you find out rather painfully that you have been wasting your time.
If you want to have a Christian home filled with peace and love, then leave any relationship where your partner exhibits any of the negative things listed above, especially if there is no indication that they are committed to changing. The truth is that it would hurt if you have feelings for them, but your future will say a firm “thank you.”